Kumakwane Community Football Event

Today I had the opportunity to host my second event in one week (and potentially make the US Embassy in Gaborone's website again)! This was an extra special event for me in that it was a collaborative effort of Peace Corps Volunteers and Returned Peace Corps Volunteers and took place in my old village of Kumakwane. The event was, essentially, a community football game but it was so much more than that...

You may recall from an earlier post but, a few weeks ago, a friend (and RPCV from Botswana, 2005-2008) called me and said that some friends of hers were coming through Southern Africa and wanted to donate football (aka "soccer") kits. She wanted to know if I knew of any teams that would be in need. I immediately thought of Kumakwane and my friend Fila, who coaches youth teams and plays on a team in the village. I had often gone with the other PCV in the village to watch his games and had recently seen a picture of a new team, the "New Town Ballers", that they started (picture above). I hoped to give back to the community that I love so much so I pitched the idea and she loved it! As we continued discussing the potential plans for the event, it morphed into something much bigger (and better)!

In the end, the plan would include a visit to my NGO in Gabane to talk with my staff about orphans and vulnerable children in Botswana and programs around the country that work with this population, a visit to Pellegano Village Industries to show a community project and to watch pottery being made (and for them to buy some pretty gorgeous pieces), and then to hold a "community event" in Kumakwane. We arranged for the Kgosana (ward chief), Rre Modise Thebe, to be present at the New Town Ward Kgotla, along with other New Town community members, especially children. There was a short introduction, complete with speeches made by the Kgosi and our benefactors and a presentation of the donations to the football teams. The culmination of the event was the football game, where everyone - regardless of age or gender - could play together. To us, this symbolized unity, civic responsibility, and caring for your neighbor. Together we can have a healthy life and a healthy community (and a little bit of fun!).

The wonderful and generous donations were made by Christina and Mark Sloop, along with their teenage sons, Ian and Nico.

The event was everything we could have hoped for and more. It truly was a community effort and something that brought people from all walks of life together. We had the generous support of our new friends and benefactors from Sonoma Village (who traveled all this way to hand deliver sporting equipment), Peace Corps Volunteers (old and new), and we had village members of varying strata. It was a seamless event that everyone enjoyed! Now, for your viewing pleasure, the highlights of today's event:

Kumakwane Community Football Event

"I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again." 

Another glorious day in this life. More smiles and more happiness shared. Success in the form of giving back. Perfection. ♥

Successes!

I have been on cloud nine lately. My successes have become plentiful and my joy abounding. Things have truly come together for me in a really positive way, both in terms of my life and my projects, and I couldn't be happier. The latter, in particular, is what I wish to share: project successes!

Scouts

The Scout troop that I am working with has reached a new high. First, our normally small group of 25 kids has grown to over 60 kids attending each meeting this term with many more pounding the pavement to sign up. The kids are not the only ones who are excited to participate - we have had six new teachers ask to participate in one capacity or another! This is a far cry from our initial months, where the other PCV and I felt like we were pulling teeth just to meet with a single teacher to get things off the ground. And, as if to reward our troop for its efforts, we won a prestigious award for the school. The award totaled BWP 12,000.00 (a ridiculously huge sum in Botswana!) and our troop has also been invited to compete against other troops from the area next week in two categories: marching and entertainment/drum-line! The kids and teachers have been meeting every single day after school to practice and are looking ready to strut their stuff! This is huge for our troop, which only started this past term! Go Segoditshane Scouts!

Gabane Community Home-Based Care

As I mentioned a few days ago, my NGO in Gabane was selected as one of only ten organizations as part of the Southern African Development Community's HIV/AIDS Fund, which aims to strengthen CBO/NGO organizational capacity for the HIV response in Botswana, Zambia, and Zimbabwe. I did not confirm to the blog-o-sphere but we did receive the official invitation from SADC and went to the welcome banquet and continued assessment interviews yesterday in Gaborone. These interviews went swimmingly! The women from my NGO also were invited (as part of this event) to attend an introductory workshop led by notable experts from Southern Africa on a variety of topics, including: leadership and governance, financial management, and aligning programs to Botswana's National Strategic Framework.

Today, when I came into the NGO, the women that had attended the workshop were already elbow deep in the notes and powerpoint slides they received yesterday. They were going through the papers and "studying". I sat with them to help clarify some of the details and translate some of the jargon. After some time, the women stopped and looked at me with a sense of urgency then proclaimed: "We are going to work very hard to learn everything and prove to these folks that we are the best out here - that we want to learn and we want to do more. That way, when the training portion is over and they are looking to help with funding, they will know they can trust us to get the job done and do our best." My heart skipped a beat - this is every Peace Corps Volunteer's dream come true. And, the best part about it, I know that they mean it and that they truly will do everything in their power to make the most of this opportunity.

BOCAIP Tumelong Counseling and Childcare Center

It has been a long time since I have mentioned my old NGO in Kumakwane. As you can probably recall, it closed many months ago. This was devastating, not only because it meant that I had to move from a village that I loved so much but also because it meant hundreds of children would be going without the care and services they desperately need. Not wanting to see this happen, I continued working on proposals up until the minute I left but, sadly, had not heard anything from those submissions. Well, yesterday I received a call from a friend from Kumakwane that I used to work with who informed me that Tumelong was being repainted and cleaned up. I immediately asked for more details. It turns out that one of the proposals that I had written before moving had finally come through! The NGO now has funding to run the daycare center and the afterschool program for an entire year! (Note: the funding will carry them through June 2013, my expected end-of-service date! Hooray!) The facility is getting polished up and ready to re-open next month! That means, once again (and finally), that all my Kums Kids are going to have a place to go for food, psychosocial support, and fun! We did it!

Basically, what all of this means is that all of my service's key projects, even those that I thought were long gone, are having a banner month and I am reveling in their success!

Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.  ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Saying Goodbye to Bokena

Last night I had to tell Bokena that I will be moving from Kumakwane. It may have been one of the harder things I have ever had to do... To make sure that she understood what was happening, I asked a friend to come over and help me by translating my goodbyes to Setswana. Together, we told her that I would be moving down the road to a nearby village, meaning that within a week I would no longer be living in my house in Kums anymore. Most importantly, I wanted him to tell Bokena that I would be near enough to visit her and that I would come as often as I could. Almost immediately she burst into a fit of tears. She threw herself on me and sobbed. As I am sure you can guess, this made me bawl uncontrollably. I kept telling her "ke a go rata" ("I love you") and that we would still see each other. After some time, she stopped crying. We were joined by some of the other kids and we spent a couple hours playing games, dancing around my house, "oohing and awing" at Mythbuster episodes, petting the puppies on my compound, eating popcorn, and singing "I like to move it move it" (Bokena's current favorite song). When it was time for the kids to go (mostly because it was dark), I went to give Bokena our customary hug and secret handshake and she grabbed hold of me and started crying again. We sat on the stoop of my house for another half an hour crying together, her sitting on my lap and nuzzled into my shoulder. I explained, once more, that this was not goodbye, especially not then, and that I would see her the following day. After this pep talk and another quick hug, she went home.

Wow. Saying goodbye to Bokena was so hard. So so hard. And I know that it is not really goodbye yet because I will see her today and tomorrow and this weekend and periodically for the next fifteen months. I can only imagine what it will be like when my time here is up and I don't know when I will see these children again, if ever. They have become such a part of me that imagining not seeing them is unfathomable. For now I am seeking comfort knowing that I will only be about 10km down the road...

(Next up... telling the rest of my Kums Kids)

An Update: Goodbye Preparations

I have been getting a lot of messages from family and friends asking about my impending move so I thought an update was in order...

I met with the new NGO on Monday alongside my APCD, the PCVL, and two program staff from the Peace Corps Zambia office (who were here for on-site training). We asked a plethora of questions about their mission, current programming, funding sources, and their need and vision for a Peace Corps Volunteer. It turns out that they are an extremely nascent NGO - far from what was described to me in my initial meeting about the move. I learned that their funding is contingent on a number of factors and that they are lacking in systems and a strong foundation, making it hard for them to move forward. They also stated that their intention for a PCV was to have them be a preschool teacher. However fun this might be, that is not within the scope of my job. We had a frank discussion with them about the role of a PCV in capacitating host country nationals, meaning that I could help the teachers become more effective by doing trainings with them, helping design curriculums, and assisting them in program development etc but that I could not be a teacher solely. They claimed to understand but still seemed very unsure about the way forward. (This is common among organizations that are getting their first PCV but unsettling nevertheless.) All of this made me extremely anxious about the move. I immediately felt like I might be making a move from one ineffectual site to another. This is worrisome, especially given that I have finally found resolve (and secondary projects) at my current site and do not want to start over after being in country for so long only to be frustrated and disappointed once more. (Not to mention the fact that I hate giving up on anything, ever. Maybe I'm overly dedicated once I start something but it's hard not to see it through.)

That being said, having had a few days since the meeting to let it all resonate has helped improve my perception and restored my faith in the potential good I can do. I am optimistic once more! I now recognize that the staff (mostly volunteers from the support group) are passionate and they are motivated. I believe they will take direction well and be open to what I have to offer them. And, although there is a lot to be ironed out, I can see the challenges the organization is facing and how I can help. This is huge. For this, I am grateful. I am also fortunate that the village is large and has a lot to offer. There are many schools and NGOs and other things to get involved with. So, at the very least, even if the NGO is a major flop (which I doubt), there is so much potential there that not all will be lost.

The next big challenge before I can make the move is finding housing. Because the village is so close to the capital, people often live there and commute for work. We saw one house during my visit on Monday but it was unfinished and overpriced. The NGO and Peace Corps are both fervently looking for other potential houses for me. Additionally, I have put out feelers to people I know in the area to help me find potential housing options (that fall within the confines of Peace Corps' housing policy). The hope is that we will find something suitable within the next two to three weeks so that I can make the move by the beginning of February.

My APCD instructed me today to start letting go of my life in Kumakwane. She said she can tell that I am still holding on. My response was that I have been disappointed before and that I am content in my village and don't want to let go until I know there is something positive to move towards. She seemed to understand my sentiments but continued to echo her call for my release. In my effort to do so, I am going to go to Mogoditshane tomorrow to sit with the people at the new NGO and then to walk around the village and start to acclimate. I am emotionally prepared to do this much. The hard part will be letting go of a place that has felt like home for the past seven months and to children that have truly become "mine". It is going to be a sad day when I have to take my pictures down, remove the drawings the Kums Kids have made me from my walls, and pack up my things. It will be even sadder to say goodbye to my friends and this village that I hold dear. I imagined this day and knew it would be hard but, when I pictured it in my mind, it was 17 months down the road. So I will commit to taking it one step at a time and ease my way into it, letting go bit by bit. I know this is movement in the right direction but, even still, change is never easy.

"Welcome home... now it's time to pack"

No, it is not quite as dramatic as this post title indicates but, nevertheless, that is essentially the comment that I came home to...

This morning, just ten hours after returning from a week in Cape Town, South Africa (more on this in another post), I received a telephone call from my APCD ("Program Director") telling me that I needed to come into the Peace Corps office to discuss my site placement. More specifically, about relocating me. (What?! Now?! Ah!)

Now, for those of you who have stuck with me and know about the trials and tribulations of my work at site, you realize that this has been a constant discussion for the past seven months but that nothing has happened and I have been in a state of perpetual limbo. I had become resigned to my NGO being closed and focusing more on the happy things about living in my peaceful little village of Kumakwane, like playing with the Kums Kids and my compound dogs. The idea of moving at this point made me feel anxious. Hadn't this been what I had thought needed to happen since July? Why was I feeling upset? Shouldn't I just feel relieved that some progress was being made? Why couldn't this have happened when I told Peace Corps so long ago, before I had made these connections and fallen in love with my sleepy little village? Maybe I was feeling this way because I received the phone call while I was laying in the shade with Bokena and two of my dogs. I took a deep breath and decided to keep calm and go straight into the office and hear what my APCD had in mind. I got up, dusted myself off, hugged Bokena, and boarded the next bus towards Gaborone.

An hour later, I met with my APCD. She explained that we had labored long enough, had exhausted our options, and that I had put in enough effort - it was time to move on. (It's true.) In association with my Country Director and the District AIDS Coordinator, my APCD had decided that the best thing for me and for fulfilling Peace Corps' mission to capacitate host country nationals was to relocate me. What this means is that, by the end of the month, I will be relocated to Mogoditshane (a large village just outside Gaborone, essentially a conurbation of the capital, with nearly 45,000 people) to work for an NGO that is both a support group for youth living with HIV/AIDS and an orphanage/halfway house for children. They want a volunteer to help mentor their teachers and work with them on ways to effectively communicate and motivate children and youth. This is definitely an area of interest of mine and I think that I can be beneficial in that capacity. (Bonus: they have motivated staff that have worked very hard to secure funding for the next three years and to expand programming. Yes!) As my APCD talked to me about the organization, the anxiety started to fade and  the more comfortable I started to feel about the move. There seems to be a lot of good that I can do there. (Not only that but there are a lot of other options for projects in the village, including schools, other NGOs, and a rehabilitation center for youth.) So far, everything sounds fantastic and something that I could really get behind.

Even still, I am somewhat apprehensive about the move. While it's true that the organization and the work sounds like exactly what I would love to do right now, I am content in my village. I have made friends and created a foundation here. I have friends and a community and some projects that I don't want to walk away from. My house is wonderful and truly feels like a home now. I have become accustomed to living a rural life where everyone knows me and I can hear my name being shouted by the Kums Kids from the moment I step off the bus or out my door. It will take some adjustment and will be a challenge at first I am sure. But I am reminded of my Peace Corps Recruiter, who told me that she had been moved during her service. I recall her saying she felt similarly to how I do now - mixed emotions, sad and speculative of the change, and excited to see another side of Peace Corps life. This brings me comfort. I know that I am up for this and will do my best to make the most of it.

In the end, I am sad to be leaving a village that I love so so much but I am also excited about the potential for the next 17 months of this journey and am hopeful that life at my new site will be every bit as wonderful as my first seven months have been in Kumakwane.

And, for those of you worried about my Kums Kids, have no fear! I intend on packing up my backpack full of toys once a week or so and coming to play with them! It's not too far away and those kids are far too special to me to lose touch... 

The Holidays in Botswana

Despite the fact that I feel like I'm living on the sun because it is so so hot, it is finally starting to feel like the holidays. This is a mixed blessing but, for the most part, I am happy to be feeling in the spirit.

This year, I am most excited about sharing Hanukkah with my fellow Peace Corps Volunteers and host country nationals, many of who will be celebrating for their first time. (In fact, when it comes to Batswana, most have never even met a Jewish person before meeting me, so teaching them about Judaism and its traditions has been one of my favorite experiences.) In preparation for the holiday, I decorated my house with a Hanukkah banner and dreidels sent by my friend Jeff and I blew up blue balloons to tack up around my house. Then I wrote up the Hebrew transliterations for the blessings on the menorah so that people could join me in reciting them (and for the shehekianu - this is their first Hanukkah after all!), made posters of the dreidel game rules, and put out the cards made by Jeff's 2nd grade class for people here to wish them a happy first Hanukkah. My house now feels so festive. It made me smile to see my house all decked out for the holiday!

It also made my Kums Kids super excited! They saw the balloons and came running! They weren't sure what to make of everything but kept pointing at the signs with Hebrew written on them and smiling and then picking up my Hanukkah books (also courtesy of Jeff) and giggling as they "read" through them. They were beside themselves with excitement. In super broken Setswana (and with the help of my language teacher from PST who I kept text messaging to ask how to say things), I explained to them what everything was and a little bit about Hanukkah. They were really excited and started spinning dreidels and pointing at me and the things and talking way too fast in Setswana for any foreigner to understand regardless of their Setswana proficiency. It was precious. Afterwards, we lit the menorah together and then I gave them presents.

My sister, in a recent care package, sent me coloring books, stickers, and little stuffed animals for the orphans that I play with. I divided these things up to be gifts for them for Hanukkah. Last night, I gave Bokena and Bofelo little stuffed monkeys. They were ecstatic! They were hugging them and playing with them and the smiles that came across their face could light up the whole world. Bokena ran into my bedroom and grabbed my monkey, Jocko, (who was actually my dad's) and handed him to me and then grabbed my camera so that the three of us could take pictures with our monkeys. After our photo shoot, Bokena sat down to "read" her monkey one of the Hanukkah books and Bofelo set off to teach his monkey how to do word searches. It was one of the happiest moments I have had here - seeing them so full of joy. It filled me with joy too. In truth, it was probably the first time they ever got a present like that. To witness that and to be a part of it was truly magical.

I don't want the magic to end.

Today is the 22nd. That means that tomorrow is the 23rd. That is the anniversary of the day I lost my dad. I have been anxious about what this day would be like since it is the first time I will be away from my family for it. Although I have been having some bad dreams these last few nights, for the most part, I have been okay. I have chosen to focus on the blessings in my life, like time spent with the village kids, and that has made all the difference. I am also grateful because two members of my Bots 10 family are on their way down to be with me tonight and tomorrow so that I won't be alone. Even more, I am grateful that they didn't make me ask them to come. They just knew I needed them. I have a hard time asking for help sometimes so I appreciated not having to. It is comforting to know that I have people here that know me well enough and care about me enough to travel to be with me when I need them. That alone gives me strength and helps me know that tomorrow will be okay. (Not only that, but one of them is bringing a Cohiba for us to smoke in honor of my dad. I think that would put a smile on his face so I'm smiling too.) I would also like to thank all of my friends from home who have taken the time to reach out to me this week. You are so dear to me and your love and support means everything. Thank you.

In the days after, many people from my Bots 10 family will be coming to Kumakwane to celebrate the various holidays. On Christmas day, we will go to the lands to hear the choirs sing and be part of a traditional celebration here. I have been told that this is truly special and something that we cannot miss while living in Botswana. By the 26th, my house will be filled with twenty (or more) friendly faces to celebrate the last two nights of Hanukkah. I have been creating a menu to feed the masses and orchestrating revelry for everyone here to experience the festival of lights. I couldn't be more excited. True, I am also a bit stressed about making this a memorable and positive first Hanukkah for everyone (and also about cooking for so many - especially since my village doesn't have a grocery store so shopping involves planning, traveling, and carrying groceries quite a long distance), but I think it will be such a fun time and the sort of experience that will stay with all of us long after.

To wind up this great holiday, I will be heading to Cape Town, South Africa for a vacation with many of these same faces. Wine tasting, whale watching, Starbucks, good food, pretty clothes, shopping, beaches, Table Mountain, happy hour... the list of things to be excited about goes on. I can't think of a better culmination of this already magical holiday season.

Beyond Acceptance To Action

I had a seemingly rough day yesterday. I was processing. And processing is almost always hard. There were a lot of things to mull through about my life, my work (or lack of work) in Botswana, my (idealistic) beliefs and hopes for the next 18 months, and what I'm going to do about it. How does a person make sense of all of that? I mean, it's a lot and, to be honest, it's a lot more than any one person can have jurisdiction over.

When I need to deal with this mass of issues, no amount of talking will suffice. This is a lesson I learned after my dad died. I learned that I deal with the difficult things best when I'm left alone and given time to think. So, yesterday, I did just that. I meditated, I did yoga, I sat, I read old sermons by Rabbi Will Berkovitz (like this one: "Notebooks"), I watched Almost Famous, I read quotes, and then I pieced it all together.

Victor E. Frankl said that "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." I believe those words. I need to embody them. I needed to have yesterday. I needed a day to process and to decompress and to get to the point where Frankl's words were not only beautiful but applicable to me. Because they are.

I am not sure that any great change will come from my counterpart but that is okay. I did not come to Botswana with the intention to help him run an organization better, but rather with the passion and the drive to help orphans and vulnerable children live a better life. They are my reason for being here. I want to help those kids thrive in whatever way I can. I can get creative and do just that. True, the situation I'm in outright stinks. There really is no other way to put it. I shouldn't have been put in an organization that was crumbling fast but I was and I can't change that. The only thing I can change is my attitude and my response to the situation. (Plus, do I really want this dream of mine to diminish because a couple of people can't get their act together? No way! This is my dream to live out!) So here I go. I am going to dig down deep, take the love and support of my friends and colleagues, and try to "build something from nothing". I am committed to helping these kids every bit as much today as I was on the day I left. I need to rid myself of the confines holding me back and see what I can do on my own here. The kids deserve that much. And, you know what? So do I.

My Simple Joys

In light of my post yesterday, which aptly proclaimed my lack of happiness, I thought I should also show the other side. For me, it's very simple. My essence of happiness in Botswana are Bofelo, Bokena, and Bolt. Time spent with them are among my happiest moments here.

I just spent almost an hour hugging the three of them. I think they could tell that I have been upset because they literally grabbed on and didn't let go until I had finished shedding some tears and a smile crept back on my face. Bless them and their great big hearts.

Towards Acceptance? An Analysis of My Happiness

As a general rule, I am a happy person. Unfortunately, I am not happy. That does not mean that I am unhappy but rather that I am not living in a state of happiness. That is not to say that I don't have happiness in my life right now because I do. Every time the kids come over to play or I get a message from home or I go on a uniquely African adventure, I feel joy. But it is no secret that I have been unfulfilled in many aspects of my work here. I have been searching for meaning, knowing full well that I may never realize the full impact of things I am doing and that if I am able to help one person that should be enough. Even still, with a closed NGO, a counterpart that isn't interested in putting forth the effort to reopen, and the knowledge that hundreds of orphans and vulnerable children in my village are going without the care and services they need, I have had great difficulty finding comfort.

I have spent more than my fair share of days confined to my house trying to work through all of my thoughts and find some semblance of resolution. Recently, I have become rededicated to my own yoga and meditation practice, which has helped me let go of myself and examine this experience more clearly with the hope of finding comfort here. In this quest, I have realized many things. Among them: I know that I have little control over situations and that I must be patient. I have realized that sometimes even my passion and steadfastness cannot bring change and that it requires dedication of the masses (and not everyone truly cares). I have discovered failure and frustration and resignation and hope and disappointment and small victories. I also know that, despite everything, I am one of the lucky ones.

I long for something more because I have felt happiness and love and security and abundance. I know that the world is great and that more exists. I am surrounded by people, however, that have not realized these things. (And, even for those who know, they cannot imagine themselves in that world.) I have befriended orphans that never knew what a hug was or that snow exists. They cannot fathom the world as I know it. My happiness has been born of things that are foreign to them. I am grateful for my experiences and for my life.

If my end goal is solely to find comfort, then I can accept this new state of consciousness and recognize that I have been blessed and that I will get the chance to return to all those things that embody my happiness. I have the opportunity for this when others may never get it. This, in and of itself, is something that I struggle with every day. I often ask myself "Would I be happier right now if I never knew everything that existed and the great potential in the world?" I don't know. Maybe I would be more content in the nothingness. I doubt it though.

What it all boils down to is this: I would happily give up all of the comforts of home for the opportunitiy to help others, which is why I embarked on this journey to begin with. And, while it's true that I am grateful for the joyful moments here, I will forever doubt that I could be truly happy when I know there is something more I could be doing to help people. That desire comes from something within me that I cannot silence. But how can I help if I am in a place and in a situation that cripples me? I have a lot to offer and I want to give of myself to the cause here - I am constantly trying and being unable to do anything. I feel trapped and as if my efforts are fruitless and unwanted. How can I find happiness, or even contentment, in an existence like that? And therein lies my problem.

After the fact thoughts: The problem with being in this state is that "the smile" is gone. It's as if my sense of balance has dissipated and the little joys aren't enough to bring me back to center. You can't have happiness without sadness or work without play. My universe right now is very one-dimensional. And, unfortunately, it's primarily in the realm of dissatisfaction. I hope to find my equilibrium again.

Kums Kids: Bofelo

Introducing... Bofelo!

Bofelo is Bokena's brother. He is a few years older than Bokena (maybe around 10). When I first met Bofelo, I thought he was very shy. He didn't try to talk to me and didn't engage very much with the other children. I attributed this to the fact that many of the other children picked on him and his sister because they are very poor orphans. After some time, I learned that it is because Bofelo is deaf.

Acknowledgement of disabilities is new in Botswana. People are finally recognizing them and making allowances for that. As such, schools, programs, and organizations have started to spring up to assist people with disabilities. Thanks to the hard work of a diligent missionary in the village and efforts made by my NGO in years past, Bofelo is able to attend one of these schools.

Bofelo goes to the nearby village of Ramotswa (about 50km away from Kumakwane) to go to a special school that will cater to his being deaf. The school, as I understand it, is being paid for by the Botswana government, which is how Bofelo is able to attend. I have not had a chance to go to the school to find out more about his life there, the education program, or to learn about Tswana Sign Language (or maybe they use ASL?!) but I am grateful that programs exist to help kids like Bofelo.

Sadly, because the other kids are not exposed to sign language or to many other deaf children, I have noticed that when Bofelo returns to the village during school breaks, he has to deal with the same bullying and lack of communication. He is so sweet though and goes into the world with a great big smile. His positive attitude is one of the things I love most about him.

Bofelo has learned to adapt. The more time I spend around him, the more I see how he is growing. He is no longer the shy kid around me. We have developed our own way of communicating and we understand one another. I am trying to model that behavior for the other children with the hope that they will follow suit. I think it may be working. He plays games with the other kids, not just his siblings, and is so excited when they all interact together. I truly believe that the kids are starting to understand him, respect him, and appreciate him as much as I do.

Baby Blessings!!!

A few hours ago I heard scrambling outside and a dog crying. Now, dog cries are not really unusual here but, for some reason, the sound concerned me ("maternal instincts" perhaps) and I had the thought in the back of my mind that "my" dog, Puppy, might be having her babies (her pregnant tummy had really ballooned over the last few days but I wasn't sure when her "due date" was so I didn't necessarily have cause for concern but that was where my mind wandered). I looked out the window to see what was going on and I saw Puppy trying to get to something behind a pile of bins and buckets and poles that are by the work shed on my compound. She looked frantic so I grabbed my flip flops and ran out there. As I approached the rubbish, I heard the faint sound of baby puppies. (Holy smokes, could I be right?!) Climbing over paint cans and a variety of other things, I saw a pile of newborns. I started moving everything out of the way and Puppy went running to their side. A few of them looked as though they weren't breathing and I reached for them, half expecting Puppy to get upset and growl at me but not knowing what else to do. She didn't get upset, in fact she looked really relieved I was there. I started cleaning them off and gently stroking them, hoping they would start to make some sort of sound to indicate they were alive, as a few of the others were doing. One by one they started making noises. I cleared some more things out of the way and Puppy nestled next to them and the puppies began moving towards her to feed. I found more puppies underneath things and lodged between cans - they were everywhere. I counted eight in total.

After being sure that they were all collected, alive, and feeding, I went to check on mama dog. She was starting to settle down from the fright and began to lick her babies and also my hand as I gave her and her babies pets on the head. No one was around and I wasn't sure what to do but everyone seemed okay so I was feeling pretty good at this point. After some time, I began to make them a shelter in a safer place on the compound in between the shed and the house. I moved a little dog house in and covered the ground with blankets and sheets. (Bye bye spare set of sheets!) I brought in a dish of water and two huge handfuls of dog treats for Puppy to munch on. When everything was ready, I put the eight little ones into a basket and carried them carefully into the new shelter area, mama dog right behind me. The whole clan nestled into their new home and seemed very comfortable. Phew!


Mama and babies are now happy and resting and oh so precious. Everyone seems to have made it! I have been going outside to check on them every half hour or so... Will I continue running back and forth to check on them for the next who knows how long? Yes, yes I probably will. Am I okay with that? ABSOLUTELY! I am such a proud mama right now! :)

Kums Kids: Bokena

Meet Bokena! She is my favorite of the village kids (but shhhhhh don't tell the others)! She was one of the first kids I met in Kumakwane and she stole my heart on our very first meeting. A little about her: Bokena is an orphan. She lives in a shanty hut with her brother, Bofelo, and her cousins, Goitsemodimo and Auntie. This group of kids is probably the most picked on in the village, primarily because they are among the poorest. I think Bokena is also picked on a lot because she is so sweet and doesn't stick up for herself. When I asked her how old she is she didn't know but I have learned that she's in standard one (kind of like first grade) so I can only assume she is around 7 or 8-years-old. Among her favorite things to do are color pictures, eat bread, watch Rainbow Bright, and do yoga. She also loves hugs. When I first met her, however, she didn't even know what a hug was. The first time I tried to give her one she stood stiff as a board and literally just stared at me with a look of confusion. Now when I put my arms out she comes running over and embraces me like she never wants to let go (which is alright by me because I absolutely adore her!). I think she was starved for affection before. One day while we were snuggling on the couch and watching Planet Earth, she saw snow and got really excited. In broken Setswana I learned that she wants to see snow some day. She is very inquisitive and always a joy to be around.

Introducing... The Kums Kids!

I have decided that I'm going to start a new group of posts that I'm calling "Kums Kids". Basically, I'm going to "introduce" you all to the Kumakwane village kids that I have befriended and who fill my days with arts and crafts, games of frisbee and catch, and cartoon hour. They are the breath of fresh air in this country and the ones who brighten my days. Each child has a story that will break your heart, warm your heart, and that you will carry in your heart forever.

This picture is of my "Kums Kids wall". It's the main wall in my house and it dons the pictures the kids have colored me. It started out as a way for me to learn their names - I would ask them to write their name on their picture before I would hang it up and then every time they would come over I would ask them to point out their picture and VOILA I would be reminded of their name! Now that I know them all and they spend almost every afternoon with me, the picture wall has turned into a gallery that they are proud of. The kids will come in and stare at it, they invite their friends to look at their art, and they will labor over their next great piece to go up. It's precious. (What will I do when those last two spots fill up?!)

I love my Kums Kids!

Rest In Peace Dex

Dex, named after the mischievous little monkey from Night at the Museum, passed away on December 1, 2011. Dex was only six months old. The cause of death is unknown but she was found in her home compound surrounded by her family. She was known best by those who loved her as a goofy little thing, the runt of the family, and sweet beyond comparison. She loved sitting on the couch, eating popcorn, and playing with her brother Bolt. Her happiest days were when she could go on adventures to the bus stop with her lekgoa. She is survived by her father, mother, and siblings. She will be missed by all. Rest in peace Dex.

Constant Rededication

I have to confess that there were a few hours last night when the thought of going home seemed like a pretty good idea. These moments are few and far between for me but, when they happen, they are usually brought on by hard news from home, learning that another fellow PCV is going home, or a close examination of all the difficulties here. Even my perpetual optimism and idealistic outlook about life cannot always keep the hard times at bay. Last night's episode was brought on by all of these scenarios.

Every day here is different. Some days feel like they are dragging on for years and others seem to fly by. One day can feel absolutely hopeless and then be followed up by a day when everything is in your favor. And one moment you're playing happily with the village kids and the next you're hiding under a table because you just want one moment of silence. It can feel like being a yo-yo. 

The unfamiliarity of being so far from home and cut off from people and things and outlets is hard. And then not being able to get away at a moment's notice because you have to wait an hour for a bus that may or may not stop or calculate the time it takes to get from one point to another and back home before dark makes things even harder. And then there's the deep unspoken but always looming questions about what would you do if something happens to a loved one at home or if what you are doing will make any impact at all or why you are going through all of this? It's a challenge sometimes. Your head can get clouded and your heart can pull you in a thousand different directions. It makes you question things.

I wanted to share this with you because it is not all wonderful and jealous-worthy (although some of it truly is!). I have my doubts about the process, Peace Corps, my role, all of it. I am not always sure what the right thing to do is and it's hard to know if it is better to stay here or to go home. But this thought process is part of being a Peace Corps Volunteer and we all go through it. It requires constant rededication to ourselves and to our work. And, in the end, I have a very profound belief that there is potential for good and that I can make something positive come of my service. (Maybe I already have?) "To save one life is to have saved the world." So, at least for now, I'm staying put and staying (re)dedicated.

Towards A Bright New Future

Good news folks! It seems as though the staff at the NGO (in particular the Center Coordinator) has finally realized the severity of the situation we are facing (i.e. the organization is closed) and is trying to do something about it! After all my calls and text messages and guilt-ridden pleas, I received a visit from my counterpart yesterday afternoon to discuss and start working on a proposal (that he identified)! Not only that, but he stayed and worked on it with me for an hour! He was motivated, took initiative, and seems poised to keep the momentum going!

After he left, I spent another couple hours doing all that I could on the proposal and getting it ready to be submitted early next week. All that I need now is for my counterpart to verify a couple statistics (which he has informed me he will do over the weekend) and we are good to go!

Could this be the start of a bright new future for the NGO? Dare I do a happy dance? Yes, I do. Three cheers for small victories and glimmers of hope!

Project Ups and Downs

Things at my NGO are relatively stagnant right now, despite having received that grant a week ago. There have been no preparations made yet towards re-opening the preschool or the OVC center, even though we now have funding for petrol and food for the kids. (In fact, I have written an entire volunteer policy and contract using Botswana's employment law policies so we would be ready for when we opened back up but no one in the agency has reviewed it yet, let alone started implementing it. Things here take far too long for my liking sometimes.) Not only that but for the last few weeks, even months, I have been having trouble getting the Center Coordinator to sit down and strategize for proposals with me, thus making it even more difficult to get back to full programming. We have a lot of opportunities, however, in the way of potential funding from UNICEF, the Embassy of Japan, and a number of other foundations and domestic organizations. We should be going after them now (now now) but there has been little movement in that direction. What does this mean for me and my idealistic pursuit to help the kids of Kumakwane? Well, I have decided that I am going to push on and get it while the gettin's good (or so they say)! What I mean is that I'm going to start designing programs that I believe will be beneficial for the orphans, vulnerable children, and youth in the village and then write proposals to fund those programs and then implement them with fellow PCVs and community members who also believe in the programs (and hopefully with the support of the NGO staff). For example, I have a vision to put on an OVC retreat and a youth leadership workshop. I am also starting to work with another PCV to get a playground built for the orphans and other kids that stay in my ward in the village so they have someplace to go and to play. There is a lot that we can do here if people are motivated to see things through. And I am motivated. So it seems that when one door closes (in this instance the doors to the NGO) another one opens (opportunities to do even more). Just another example of the extreme highs and lows and frustrations and potential of Peace Corps service...

My First Botswana Book Club

I have been told that Batswana don't read. They have even gone so far as to create programs and initiatives aimed at getting the communities excited about reading but they have, for the most part, fallen short. So you can imagine my surprise when a friend of mine in the village, Lovey, came over one day and expressed her interest in reading. She said that she loved to read and asked if I had anything that I thought she might enjoy and that might challenge her. I handed her Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible, which I had recently re-read. I explained to her that it was about American missionaries coming to the Congo in the 1960s and it chronicles their journey there and how it ends up altering their futures. I told her that it had a different meaning for me now, after coming to Africa, than it did when I read it in high school and that many of the themes resonated with me. She left with the book, intent on finding out what I meant.

...Two days later, she told me that she wasn't sure she liked it.

...Three days after that, she told me she couldn't put it down.

...And, just a few hours ago, we had our first book club to discuss The Poisonwood Bible.

This had to have been one of the most amazing book clubs I have ever had. It was beyond interesting to hear her thoughts on the book, to listen to her talk about how her world view changed as she read, to understand her perspective on the issues, and to candidly discuss how the book affected each of us (both from an American and an African point of view).

She said she started out taken aback by certain things that were pointed out by the author, which had caused her initial judgment. Then she realized that everything she read was true but that she was so used to it that she didn't recognize it, which captivated her and caused her to think about where she came from. Because of this, she opened up to the story and the characters and grew compassionate, not only for them but also for me and my fellow PCVs in Africa who are adjusting to this new culture and way of life. This made her fall in love with it all. After this analysis, we discussed our individual perceptions of the book and then of each of our home countries. We spoke on how it feels to be in a  foreign land and completely out of your element. And then we talked even more about overcoming obstacles and growing up and how situations can lead you in the most mysterious and magical directions. It was a unique experience that opened both of our eyes to new perspectives and a whole new level of understanding.

We are picking our next book club book tomorrow. I couldn't be more excited.

Show Me The Money!

Although the title of this entry elicits a sense of huge accomplishment, I have to warn you, it is meant more like it was used in the beginning of Jerry McGuire, meaning: just when things seem like there's no hope and you're about to lose it all, you go all in and get a small victory that, hopefully, brings you a bright new future (like Jerry's achievement in getting that last client on his way out the door). That's exactly what happened at my NGO today.

I have described a sort of yo-yo effect at the NGO since I came to site. We were open and running well when I got here on June 8th and then, a few weeks later, we closed completely. This lasted for a few months before we re-opened with a limited program capacity and with volunteers. Sadly, this only lasted a week or two before we closed entirely again. It's been defeating to everyone involved. Compound that with the fact that we have run up against stiff opposition from our national organization (we are a satellite branch) when we have attempted to seek out our own funding - devastating. For the last few weeks, we have been trying to figure out how best to proceed to get back up and running, for the sake of the kids, given this dissension, while also trying to be realistic about the staff's need to seek out reliable employment. Well, today we had a glimmer of hope that things will be okay!

I am very excited to report that my NGO is receiving funds from a proposal I wrote a few months back that will go to help the OVC Center get back up and running! It's small but it's a start! The funds will go to pay for petrol to pick up the orphans from their homes and transport them to the center and for food to feed them for a little more than four months! That buys us time to start applying for more funds (I have four proposals lined up) and should hopefully reinvigorate the staff and rededicate them to our mission!

So, all that's left to say is "show me the money"!

An Introduction: Curtis

About two weeks ago, I introduced you all to Bernard. I am sad to report that he turned out to be a short-term visitor. He has eaten the last of his spider meals, packed his teeny tiny bag, and left my lizard hostel. His tenancy, however, has been replaced by a longer-term guest. And, since he appears to like it here and will be sticking around, I would like to formally introduce you to my new friend Curtis.

Curtis is a cute little lizard friend (about 4" long and skinnier than Bernard - he's had less spider snacks I assume). He checked in two days ago and seems to be taking to the Peace Corps lifestyle quite well. He freely wanders around my house, going from room-to-room, and hangs out with me while I read a book or watch a show. Although he's quite shy, he seems to be a courteous house guest. So "welcome Curtis", I hope you enjoy your stay!