A Happy Moment: Kindness, Communication, and Smiles

I have been sharing a lot of happy moments lately. This is no coincidence as my life is abundantly happy these days. But I wanted to take a moment to share one of my happiest moments ever since coming to Botswana. I am actually surprised I didn't blog about it before, especially since I share this tale so often because it has truly been one of those simple blessings that makes my heart flutter time and time again. This moment takes place during a particularly rainy day on the 24th of December 2011...

Over the holidays, I had the good fortune of hosting Hanukkah for a number of my friends here. People began coming in around the 22nd and continued to arrive throughout the week. As was the usual in Kumakwane, my Kums Kids came a-knockin' and were particularly excited to meet, greet, and play with other Peace Corps Volunteers. My little Bokena and Bofelo were a regular fixture whenever we were sitting around the house.

You may remember that Bofelo is deaf. We became friends and communicated mostly through miming. Yes, it was difficult, but we made due. Love is a universal language, after all, and we certainly shared that.

On that particular Saturday, however, everything changed. Why? Because sitting on my couch was my dear friend Clayton, who just so happened to have grown up in a deaf community and had also studied speech and hearing sciences in college. After explaining to Clayton (and the rest of my visitors) that Bofelo is deaf, Clayton decided to try and "talk" to Bofelo, realizing that sign language in Botswana was probably different than American Sign Language. After some time, Clayton called me outside to "show me something". I came around the corner and the two of them were giving me the "I love you" sign! It turns out that ASL and Setswana Sign are not that different and Clayton was able to talk with him with relative ease! He showed me Bofelo's name sign and they gave me one of my own. After a moment of shyness, Bofelo lit up. He was literally beaming with excitement and his face held a smile that was contagious. This was an exciting moment for me - one that no other could compare to. Here, in front of me, was a boy that I had befriended many months before and had been inviting into my home and cherishing but who I could not converse with. And I now was able, through Clayton, to talk to him and find out what made him tick. Without my friend, this moment would not have been possible.

Since that day, I have been able to "talk" to Bofelo with much more ease. I know now that he can write in english so we write each other notes. He has also helped me learn things in sign language so that I can communicate, even a little bit, that way too. We have grown even closer. It has been truly magical.

A connection started by kindness made even stronger through the kindness of another. The ripple effect - it is such a powerful thing. So I want to make a heart-felt THANK YOU to my friend Clayton, who gave me one of the most precious gifts and one of my happiest moments in Botswana. Thank you.

A Discovery: Lessons Learned

In all honesty, I was more than a little anxious about moving to a new site. I was not looking forward to learning a new community, trying to integrate again, and starting back over from scratch. Looking back, the first two months at site were my hardest in Botswana and the thought of having to relive them was quite daunting. But, alas, these were the cards I was dealt so I was going to do my best to make the most of it. I owed that much to my service and to myself. What I realized in my first two weeks in Gabane is that I have learned a lot more in these past ten months than I could have ever imagined and that this experience has been invaluable (especially for anyone pursuing global health/development work).

I now know what it takes to really delve into the issues of a community and its people. I know the questions to ask and how to phrase them in order to get the information I need within the confines of cultural norms and impediments etc. I know the right people to go to in most situations and no longer need to go from person-to-person and wade through the nonsense associated with red tape and interminable levels of protocol in Botswana. Integration is easier because I am more confident with the language and with how to talk with locals. I am not afraid to talk to passerbys, to joke with people when they ask for money ("mpha madi"), or invite myself (or others) over for tea. What took me two months (or longer) to figure out during my "community assessment phase" has taken me less than two weeks in this new environment. It has gotten easier and it all makes more sense this time around. I have learned how to navigate the system and life in Botswana. These were skills I had not realized I was cultivating.

So the lesson I have learned that I wish to bestow on my fellow Peace Corps Volunteers (and others) is this: Even when you think that you are not getting anything out of your experience, and even when you feel like you are wasting time and not being fully utilized, keep your chin up! The reality is that you are getting more out of it than you could possibly imagine. There are skills and lessons and discoveries tucked away that you never dreamed were being realized. Don't give up, believe that it will be okay, and just trust. What you are getting out of all this may not be uncovered until later but, trust me, it is happening. I have been constantly amazed by all that I have actually gained.

“Nothing for us without us” – Lessons from PST

Today, on this 7^th day of June 2011, I will stand proudly beside the remaining 35 members of my Bots 10 family as we take our oath and swear in as United States Peace Corps Volunteers. This day marks something momentous for each of us in very unique ways and holds a lot of emotion. For me, it is both the commencement of a grand adventure and the culmination of a demanding two months of pre-service training. It is a day that I have been waiting on for nearly a decade – a day that I cannot believe is finally here.

They say that pre-service training is the hardest and most trying time in the lifecycle of a Peace Corps Volunteer. It is a time when you are physically and mentally pushed to new limits; when you are completely out of your comfort zone; when you are challenged, trained, inspired, broken down, and made stronger; and when you find out who you really are, what you really need, and how much your perspective can change. (For example, I have learned that toilet seats are completely superfluous, as is running water, and that I truly appreciate quirkiness, zen moments, and dikgobe.) There is a rollercoaster of emotions and unlikely strangers become friends and then become family. I have felt all of these things over the last two months in Botswana. There were times when it was tough and we all grumbled at the thought of having another month or three weeks or three days of PST but I must confess that, as a whole, I have had a truly meaningful couple of months and am profoundly grateful.

As I started packing my things last night to take to my new home in Kumakwane, I felt a sense of relief mixed with somberness to be closing this mini-chapter in my Peace Corps journey. It is going to be hard to say goodbye to my host family (visiting them will indubitably hold a different dynamic) and it is strange to imagine not seeing my Bots 10 family every day or partake in Mafhikana movie nights. Fortunately, as with everything involved with Peace Corps it seems, I simultaneously felt enthused and eager for the next step.

We did it. We made it this far and can officially start “to create change”. But if there was one real lesson I got from PST, it is this: “nothing for us without us.” This lesson is especially pertinent within the context of our mission in Botswana – to make an impact and promote behavior change in response to the HIV/AIDS pandemic in Botswana. For this to be achieved, the people need to be engaged and recognize their role in changing their own behaviors. As Peace Corps Volunteers we aspire to change the world but, in truth, we cannot change another person’s behavior. For anything to become permanent, individuals need to take ownership over their own actions.

This same concept applies to each of us. It is important not to forget about our own needs in this quest to help the people of Botswana. We must be open to the change that occurs within ourselves, to recognize that our own behaviors and perspectives may need modifying too, and to free ourselves of the binds holding us back. This is a chance to make true, lasting, and meaningful change within us and only then can we be the type of person capable of helping others. PST started this transformation in many of us.

So, as I take my oath in a few hours, I will also vow to remain open and honest with my peers, the Batswana, and myself and I will always remember that change requires collaboration, understanding, patience, and respect (for myself and others).

Congratulations Bots 10! I am so proud to call you my family!

Because of Love

To me, Valentine’s Day is about sharing love. It is about sending love out into the universe and getting some back. It is about giving. I have been given so much and have been saved by love.

One day, when I was having a particularly hard time in high school, my dad got me a card. The cover read "If you can't make waves, make ripples" and on the inside it said "Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself all the room and space you need. And remember, wherever you are is probably exactly where you need to be right now." Below that, my dad told me that he believed in me and loved me and knew I would accomplish everything I wanted in time. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I have kept that card with me for more than a decade. I have read those words and recited those words over and over again throughout the years.

When my dad died five years ago, my whole world was rocked. Essentially, my universe fell off its axis and I didn't know what to do. Whether it makes sense or not, I felt like my dreams did not have meaning anymore. It was hard to find comfort in anything. I needed to do something to get my life back.

I went back to my roots and started training horses again, I started running and ran four half marathons, I got my masters degree, and then I moved home. I surrounded myself with positive people who loved me and believed in me. I reconnected with my mom and she became one of my very best friends. My neighbors and my friends became family. I became stronger than I could have imagined. I got my dreams back and now I have the courage to pursue them, knowing that I could get through anything and that I have the love and support I need to see it through.

My dad's card is even more pertinent today than when he gave it to me. I have slowly persevered and have gotten to where I need to be. I am finally pursuing this dream that I have had for the past six years. I have meditated on this and have been patient, waiting to feel this sense of calm. I am full of pride and joy and am overcome with a sense of rightness in my world again. I am not nervous or anxious and I don't doubt anything about this path I am taking. I am really at ease with this transition because I feel with my whole heart that this journey, joining the Peace Corps and going to Botswana, is exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now.

I Choose To Smile

Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Despite all of my hard work at my agency this past year (tripling our grant funding, developing a marketing strategy that increased enrollment in our fatherhood education program by 100%, and coordinating our free legal clinic for low-income families), I was told yesterday that my position was being cut back to part-time. Of course, I was really upset - I was frustrated, irritated, disappointed, and crushed. I cried a little bit and then I freaked out about money, bills, saving, etc. I ran the gamut of emotions. I have done a lot for this agency and have stayed the course through all the ups and downs these last four years and could hardly believe this was how I was being repaid. (Ha, funny, "paid"!) I left the office not knowing how all of this would work out or what I was going to do.

In the light of a new day (and being true to my new years resolution), I feel like this could almost be a blessing. I have accomplished a lot in my job, there is nowhere else for me to go in this position, and I am planning on leaving in a few months to start a new journey with the Peace Corps anyway. I can rearrange my student loan payments, I can cut back on some spending, but I can never get this time back. I absolutely refuse to spend any more of my time fretting and dwelling on this. I have been successful in my work and now I am getting a chance to finish some projects while also taking some extra time to enjoy life.

I plan to use this extra time to do the things I love - to go snowboarding, to ride horses, to volunteer, and to spend time with my family and friends. I am rejuvenated and ready to accept this new fate and make the most of it.

So I'm sitting at my desk with a big cup of coffee, listening to my music just "a little" too loud, planning my snowboarding adventure for tomorrow, and smiling because they have no idea how much they are going to miss me when I'm gone.  :)