A Happy Moment: Kindness, Communication, and Smiles

I have been sharing a lot of happy moments lately. This is no coincidence as my life is abundantly happy these days. But I wanted to take a moment to share one of my happiest moments ever since coming to Botswana. I am actually surprised I didn't blog about it before, especially since I share this tale so often because it has truly been one of those simple blessings that makes my heart flutter time and time again. This moment takes place during a particularly rainy day on the 24th of December 2011...

Over the holidays, I had the good fortune of hosting Hanukkah for a number of my friends here. People began coming in around the 22nd and continued to arrive throughout the week. As was the usual in Kumakwane, my Kums Kids came a-knockin' and were particularly excited to meet, greet, and play with other Peace Corps Volunteers. My little Bokena and Bofelo were a regular fixture whenever we were sitting around the house.

You may remember that Bofelo is deaf. We became friends and communicated mostly through miming. Yes, it was difficult, but we made due. Love is a universal language, after all, and we certainly shared that.

On that particular Saturday, however, everything changed. Why? Because sitting on my couch was my dear friend Clayton, who just so happened to have grown up in a deaf community and had also studied speech and hearing sciences in college. After explaining to Clayton (and the rest of my visitors) that Bofelo is deaf, Clayton decided to try and "talk" to Bofelo, realizing that sign language in Botswana was probably different than American Sign Language. After some time, Clayton called me outside to "show me something". I came around the corner and the two of them were giving me the "I love you" sign! It turns out that ASL and Setswana Sign are not that different and Clayton was able to talk with him with relative ease! He showed me Bofelo's name sign and they gave me one of my own. After a moment of shyness, Bofelo lit up. He was literally beaming with excitement and his face held a smile that was contagious. This was an exciting moment for me - one that no other could compare to. Here, in front of me, was a boy that I had befriended many months before and had been inviting into my home and cherishing but who I could not converse with. And I now was able, through Clayton, to talk to him and find out what made him tick. Without my friend, this moment would not have been possible.

Since that day, I have been able to "talk" to Bofelo with much more ease. I know now that he can write in english so we write each other notes. He has also helped me learn things in sign language so that I can communicate, even a little bit, that way too. We have grown even closer. It has been truly magical.

A connection started by kindness made even stronger through the kindness of another. The ripple effect - it is such a powerful thing. So I want to make a heart-felt THANK YOU to my friend Clayton, who gave me one of the most precious gifts and one of my happiest moments in Botswana. Thank you.

Saying Goodbye to Bokena

Last night I had to tell Bokena that I will be moving from Kumakwane. It may have been one of the harder things I have ever had to do... To make sure that she understood what was happening, I asked a friend to come over and help me by translating my goodbyes to Setswana. Together, we told her that I would be moving down the road to a nearby village, meaning that within a week I would no longer be living in my house in Kums anymore. Most importantly, I wanted him to tell Bokena that I would be near enough to visit her and that I would come as often as I could. Almost immediately she burst into a fit of tears. She threw herself on me and sobbed. As I am sure you can guess, this made me bawl uncontrollably. I kept telling her "ke a go rata" ("I love you") and that we would still see each other. After some time, she stopped crying. We were joined by some of the other kids and we spent a couple hours playing games, dancing around my house, "oohing and awing" at Mythbuster episodes, petting the puppies on my compound, eating popcorn, and singing "I like to move it move it" (Bokena's current favorite song). When it was time for the kids to go (mostly because it was dark), I went to give Bokena our customary hug and secret handshake and she grabbed hold of me and started crying again. We sat on the stoop of my house for another half an hour crying together, her sitting on my lap and nuzzled into my shoulder. I explained, once more, that this was not goodbye, especially not then, and that I would see her the following day. After this pep talk and another quick hug, she went home.

Wow. Saying goodbye to Bokena was so hard. So so hard. And I know that it is not really goodbye yet because I will see her today and tomorrow and this weekend and periodically for the next fifteen months. I can only imagine what it will be like when my time here is up and I don't know when I will see these children again, if ever. They have become such a part of me that imagining not seeing them is unfathomable. For now I am seeking comfort knowing that I will only be about 10km down the road...

(Next up... telling the rest of my Kums Kids)

My Simple Joys

In light of my post yesterday, which aptly proclaimed my lack of happiness, I thought I should also show the other side. For me, it's very simple. My essence of happiness in Botswana are Bofelo, Bokena, and Bolt. Time spent with them are among my happiest moments here.

I just spent almost an hour hugging the three of them. I think they could tell that I have been upset because they literally grabbed on and didn't let go until I had finished shedding some tears and a smile crept back on my face. Bless them and their great big hearts.

Kums Kids: Bofelo

Introducing... Bofelo!

Bofelo is Bokena's brother. He is a few years older than Bokena (maybe around 10). When I first met Bofelo, I thought he was very shy. He didn't try to talk to me and didn't engage very much with the other children. I attributed this to the fact that many of the other children picked on him and his sister because they are very poor orphans. After some time, I learned that it is because Bofelo is deaf.

Acknowledgement of disabilities is new in Botswana. People are finally recognizing them and making allowances for that. As such, schools, programs, and organizations have started to spring up to assist people with disabilities. Thanks to the hard work of a diligent missionary in the village and efforts made by my NGO in years past, Bofelo is able to attend one of these schools.

Bofelo goes to the nearby village of Ramotswa (about 50km away from Kumakwane) to go to a special school that will cater to his being deaf. The school, as I understand it, is being paid for by the Botswana government, which is how Bofelo is able to attend. I have not had a chance to go to the school to find out more about his life there, the education program, or to learn about Tswana Sign Language (or maybe they use ASL?!) but I am grateful that programs exist to help kids like Bofelo.

Sadly, because the other kids are not exposed to sign language or to many other deaf children, I have noticed that when Bofelo returns to the village during school breaks, he has to deal with the same bullying and lack of communication. He is so sweet though and goes into the world with a great big smile. His positive attitude is one of the things I love most about him.

Bofelo has learned to adapt. The more time I spend around him, the more I see how he is growing. He is no longer the shy kid around me. We have developed our own way of communicating and we understand one another. I am trying to model that behavior for the other children with the hope that they will follow suit. I think it may be working. He plays games with the other kids, not just his siblings, and is so excited when they all interact together. I truly believe that the kids are starting to understand him, respect him, and appreciate him as much as I do.

Kums Kids: Bokena

Meet Bokena! She is my favorite of the village kids (but shhhhhh don't tell the others)! She was one of the first kids I met in Kumakwane and she stole my heart on our very first meeting. A little about her: Bokena is an orphan. She lives in a shanty hut with her brother, Bofelo, and her cousins, Goitsemodimo and Auntie. This group of kids is probably the most picked on in the village, primarily because they are among the poorest. I think Bokena is also picked on a lot because she is so sweet and doesn't stick up for herself. When I asked her how old she is she didn't know but I have learned that she's in standard one (kind of like first grade) so I can only assume she is around 7 or 8-years-old. Among her favorite things to do are color pictures, eat bread, watch Rainbow Bright, and do yoga. She also loves hugs. When I first met her, however, she didn't even know what a hug was. The first time I tried to give her one she stood stiff as a board and literally just stared at me with a look of confusion. Now when I put my arms out she comes running over and embraces me like she never wants to let go (which is alright by me because I absolutely adore her!). I think she was starved for affection before. One day while we were snuggling on the couch and watching Planet Earth, she saw snow and got really excited. In broken Setswana I learned that she wants to see snow some day. She is very inquisitive and always a joy to be around.

Introducing... The Kums Kids!

I have decided that I'm going to start a new group of posts that I'm calling "Kums Kids". Basically, I'm going to "introduce" you all to the Kumakwane village kids that I have befriended and who fill my days with arts and crafts, games of frisbee and catch, and cartoon hour. They are the breath of fresh air in this country and the ones who brighten my days. Each child has a story that will break your heart, warm your heart, and that you will carry in your heart forever.

This picture is of my "Kums Kids wall". It's the main wall in my house and it dons the pictures the kids have colored me. It started out as a way for me to learn their names - I would ask them to write their name on their picture before I would hang it up and then every time they would come over I would ask them to point out their picture and VOILA I would be reminded of their name! Now that I know them all and they spend almost every afternoon with me, the picture wall has turned into a gallery that they are proud of. The kids will come in and stare at it, they invite their friends to look at their art, and they will labor over their next great piece to go up. It's precious. (What will I do when those last two spots fill up?!)

I love my Kums Kids!

Boys will be boys (whatever that means)

In the United States, there is a school of thought that believes little boys should play with trucks and little girls with dolls. There is a stigma against children that behave outside their stereotypical norm. In Botswana, however, that is just not the case.

In Botswana, you will see grown men walking around holding hands with their male friends, girls shave their heads, pink is a universal beanie color, and little boys want their fingernails painted (see photo to the right, that's Elijah and he wants his nails repainted almost every day). There are no pre-conceived notions about things like this. It frees people to be however they want to be without the assumption there is something behind it.

It is true, however, that Botswana is not as progressive when it comes to sexual orientation as it is to freedom of expression but it's on the right track. I am watching things change and befriending the people that will see it through. It's a privilege to be around children that are growing up with this kind of openness (and gives me hope that they will become adults that are as free-thinking and accepting).

So, until I am told otherwise, I will continue to paint Elijah's nails and the nails of his posse of male and female friends because look at the smile on that face!

My Three Besties in Kumakwane

These are the three little ones that visit me every day. They have turned into my besties in Kumakwane. When they come over every afternoon, I scrub their little hands, I feed them a snack (because it breaks my heart to see them going through the garbage scavenging for food), and then we play. We usually have a ruckus game of frisbee, we play catch, and we jump rope. If it's not too late, we come inside and color, look at pictures, and have a dance party (to Amadou & Mariam, a duo from Mali). Outside of their hungry tummies, they are three of the happiest, sweetest, and most joyous kids I have ever met. They are very precious. I'm lucky to call them friends.