Two Years "In The Field"

Today I went through the 3,031 pictures from my family's visit to Botswana. It was such a remarkable trip - my heart will always smile when I think about it. Besides being one of the best memories of my time here, though, looking back through their pictures allows me to see Botswana through their eyes and reminds me of how unique and wonderful this whole experience is. It's easy to forget how special it is when it becomes your daily life. I have been incredibly blessed to be here.

Two years ago today I set foot in Botswana... And what an incredibly eye-opening, earth-shattering, crazy, beautiful two years it has been.

A Tribute to Bots 10

This week marks another milestone for my group - the first of us to make it to our COS Conference is boarding a plane and heading back to the good ol' U-S-of-A. It is hard to believe we have come so far and are now at this point. One thing I know for sure, long after this Peace Corps experience is through, the faces of my Bots 10 family will be clear in my mind. I will recall all of the times we shared together, however long, and that will be what makes it all so special. So, in tribute to the men and women who took the Peace Corps plunge, I say thank you. Here's to always remembering the 40 members of Bots 10!

To the one that made the grand romantic gesture and never got on the plane (congratulations for marrying the woman of your dreams!)...

To those who didn't make it through PST...

To those who left us early...

To those who made it all the way to COS...

 

And to those who are sticking around for a third year...

As every person in these pictures can attest, it has been one heck of a wild ride. I can't imagine a more wacky, amazing, inspiring, diverse, or thoughtful group to have shared this experience with. While I am sure everyone says it, I really do feel like we have the best group. I am so grateful to each person in it for adding and enhancing this time in Botswana. I love you, Bots 10!

Whoa! We Made It! Bots 10 COS Conference

How do you sum up two years of your life? Even in the best of circumstances, it would be extremely difficult. Throw in the confines of risk, adventure, unknowns, cultures, creepy crawlies, and a life in a far far away place that you ventured to all on your own and a person can be at a loss for words. And, if not lost for words, then definitely overwhelmed by them. Either way, the result is the same. That is where I sit now, at the conclusion of my Close of Service (COS) Conference and in my final months at site. Contemplating everything.

Our COS Conference was a time when my cohort, my Bots 10 family, was able to reconnect. This was invaluable, as I hadn't seen some members since our mid-service training a year ago. I realize it may be hard to understand how these people have remained so integral to my service and how amazing it was to reunite, but they are among the few who actually understand what Peace Corps service in Botswana is like. We can recount our own experiences and have them feel like a joint memory because we "get it" in a way that no one else could. Being afforded the time together to catch up, to share our stories, and to decompress, was probably the most cherished part of our COS Conference. This could very well be our last time in the same room together and will definitely be our last in country together. As you can likely imagine, this reality caused a few tears from more than a few people (myself included).

Tears were also met with laughter as we had dinner on the salt pans in the Nata Bird Sanctuary, recounting humorous tales showcasing each of us and paid homage to those from our group who left us early. Bots 10 has not forgotten anyone - we are all a part of this story, even the one who never made it on the plane in New York. "The Survivors" sitting around the table with the expanse of the pans and the fading sun, regaling everyone with great love and admiration, was one of my favorite moments and one that will stick with me long after this adventure.

While the emotions of our COS Conference are among the highlights, they are not the sole purpose of the week. More seriously, the conference serves as an opportunity to prepare for the goodbyes in our villages and the transition back home. It is a time to construct our "elevator speech", knowing that most people will not want the full account of our two year hiatus, and learning how to quantify our work and cope with the many changes in ourselves and in the world we left behind.

Many of us have some concerns about returning to America, whether it be about reverse culture shock, consumerism, personal growth and change, making sense of our experience and bringing it back with us, rectifying relationships with friends from home, and so on. My fears encompass many of these things. For example, I am nervous that people will expect me and expect things to continue on just as they had before I left but these things won't feel normal to me anymore. There will be a necessary adjustment in the way things once were. I have changed and I am happy with who I am. But I wonder how this will impact my relationships and my life when I return. My experiences in Botswana have been profound and have impacted me in ways that I am sure I can't even imagine yet. How will I react to all of this? Will I be compassionate and patient with those who don't see the world as I do now? Will they show me that same respect when I find things hard to deal with? And who will let me ramble on and on about my service, even after the "acceptable" statute of limitations has passed? These were some of the things we discussed at length throughout the conference. In the end, my group agreed that it will be vital to maintain our friendships with fellows Bots 10s. They will be our lifeline and our connection to this world. We are also grateful for those friends and family who have stuck by us in one way or another because we genuinely believe we will need to lean on them during this period of transition and re-entry.

And, finally, how do you say goodbye? How do you say goodbye to people who have been your main source of support and friendship in an unfamiliar land? How do you thank strangers that took you in as family? How do you leave a village whose paths welcomed you home every day? Most of us won't return to Botswana again. These goodbyes will tear at the heartstrings of even the most jaded of us. And this is our next big challenge and what we will focus on in our final months at site. Just 80 days until departure...

Bots 10 Ramblings: Approaching The End

Over the weekend, I had a number of friends from Bots 10 over to my house. These friends came from all corners of the country to start souvenir shopping at my village's artist colony, attend a "cultural event", and catch up with one another. It was a lot of fun and reminded me of how lucky I am to be a part of my "elusive" group. We are "concentrated awesome", as one group member put it.

Of course, the conversation eventually came around to our upcoming COS Conference and a reflection on our services. We discussed Peace Corps and this whole crazy experience - the ups and downs, the things that motivated us and challenged us these two years, what we have gotten out of it, and the internal versus external measures of it all. After some time, one of us stopped and said "Can we please just acknowledge that this was really hard?" That statement paused the conversation for a minute because it was like a weight getting lifted off of us in a way - a relief - like fiiiiiiiinally, someone said it!. No matter how many accomplishments we have or how productive our service, this whole thing is really hard! And I have been thinking about that statement ever since.

As Peace Corps Volunteers, we spend so much time integrating and accepting things as they are and trying, trying, trying to become part of the community and to "forget" about life back home because it's just not our lives anymore. Things here that would have been extremely challenging in "our past lives" are so commonplace now that we hardly even notice anymore. For instance, we were having this conversation by candlelight because the electricity was out (again) and we never thought twice about it. We just got up, lit some candles, and continued on. But we forget how hard some of the things we have been through truly are because it is our lives now and we have accepted it. Things like being without water and/or electricity for weeks on end, riding a bus for ten hours with people sitting on your lap in 100 degree weather just to see a friend, being delayed because of cows crossing the only tarred road, having to go to multiple offices in multiple villages using public transportation to get all the required signatures just to get a P100/$13 reimbursement, always being on display like a movie star, and so on. These things hardly even phase us anymore. And that's only a sample of the "simple" "everyday" things we deal with here that make it "hard". That doesn't include everything we gave up and are missing out on at home - weddings and births and family and engagements - or the long long loooooooong hours wishing someone from home would send us a package or a card or an email just to let us know they're thinking about us. And the even longer hours spent alone, in silence, with nothing to keep us company but our thoughts (making the before-mentioned even more exasperating).

We don't usually allow ourselves to think about how challenging Peace Corps service can be. This is mostly because it can be too consuming and then you may miss out on all the great things about living here and all the positive outcomes, mostly within ourselves, that could never be replaced. You get used to it, you move forward, and you make the most of your time here.

We all agreed that it is a weird feeling to be nearing the end of our service. It is exciting and rewarding and feels like a major accomplishment, especially when we allow ourselves a minute to think about how hard it is. If you haven't been through it - actually lived in a village and had a long-term experience like this - you can't truly understand, which is why it helps to have the camaraderie of your group-mates, your peers, and the Peace Corps community. This is an experience unlike any other. It is rewarding and you grow as an individual in very meaningful ways. But it will also challenge you to your core and on so many levels. It was a relief to have someone finally say it aloud so we could acknowledge it and be proud of ourselves.

"Next Steps" for Extension?!

In the spirit of keeping everyone informed via the blog-o-sphere, I figured I would share the latest piece of news I have regarding extension. Unfortunately, it isn't a big announcement so don't get too excited but it is all I have for now. What I have learned, as a result of the famous "Peace Corps Grapevine", is that our Country Director and our Director of Programs and Training (who we submitted our extension applications to) should be contacting all applicants by Friday to discuss "next steps" regarding extension.

There is no word yet what "next steps" actually means but, we assume, it implies that staff have read our applications and, subsequently, are informing us if we have been accepted by Peace Corps' country staff for extension and will be moving on to the interview phase (where we meet with staff and organizations to discuss project placement) or if if we have been denied extension. Of course, this may not be exactly what "next steps" means, as none of us are clear on the process, but this is what "the grapevine" is saying.

Ultimately, this blog post is merely stating that I will know something about my extension application by Friday... maybe... since this is all third-hand information... but something is better than nothing, right? sigh.

COS: The First Acknowledgment

We just now, while I was reveling in all the glory of Peace Corps service and gushing to my mom about my center's latest accomplishments, received our Close of Service (COS) Conference schedule. This was the first acknowledgement by Peace Corps that our two years are coming to a close. Officially. It isn't just us volunteers talking about it anymore. It's really happening. Of course, that date was always going to come - we have known it was May 28, 2013 since we were sworn in and we knew the conference would be in February to mark our "lockdown" period three months prior. This hasn't changed. But, in looking at the schedule and reading the discussion topics ("representing your experience", "saying goodbye and bringing effective closure to your last months in-country", and even "group picture") made me tear up. They tried to soften the blow by calling it "Close/Continuation of Service" for those of us hoping to extend but it didn't stop my water works. No-sir-ee. This sap is having a hard time wrapping her brain around it. Even the thought of trying to give this experience an abridged version is daunting and then trying to say goodbye to everyone here seems impossible. Here the tears come again...

Now, my reaction doesn't necessarily reflect my fellow volunteers' sentiments, although I'm certain we all have a tie to Botswana, and to each other, that will make this a tough transition even if the others don't cry like me. And my tears don't mean that I won't be thrilled to come home and see my family and friends (and have a triple grande sugar-free vanilla soy latte and a big plate of Thai food). But this experience has had a very deep and profound impact on me and the eye leakage was involuntary when thinking about it all coming to an end. (And please note: I'm writing this right now and both the power and water are out in my village. That's what should be making me cry, not this. Right?!)

Somehow this all seems sudden, despite knowing the COS date all along. So I am sharing this, in part, to document the day when Bots 10 received its very first COS Conference email and, in part, because it was an emotional reaction that I hadn't expected.

Ramblings on Change and my Beloved Group

I have been very introspective and reflective these passed few days. As you may remember from my ramblings nearly two years ago, this is part and parcel of a Peace Corps Volunteer's routine - having ample time to just sit with their thoughts. As a general rule, PCVs are deep thinkers and even more passionate planners. This makes us very efficient and diligent workers, able to tackle hard tasks in grassroots development, but has often also provided much anguish in the long hours alone in the village. The time spent by myself, left to ponder my life and my existence and, truly, humanity, used to rattle me to the core. I had things I needed to work through and personal obstacles to overcome. Since then, I have grown to love and appreciate my alone time and can literally sit in silence for long hours reflecting and, albeit to a lesser extent, looking forward. Now I recognize that this time alone is precious. It is something that once was more than I could handle but now seems harder to come by so I am grateful for these passed days. Most of my thoughts come back to my group and our time here...

My group has just over five months left in Botswana. The time has flown by at a rate that I can only refer to as "lightening fast". When I think back to the last minute scramble to throw things in my hiking pack into the wee hours of the morning before I left, it seems like only yesterday. But when I think about how far I have come and everything I have experienced and been through, it seems like a lifetime ago. The girl that stuffed an extra skirt into her pack in lieu of extra face wash hardly exists anymore, at least not in that same way.

We have all changed. Looking at pictures with other members of my group from when we first arrived here, we all laugh and clamor about how young we all look. We have aged. We look a little haggard and rough around the edges now but I think it shows wisdom and courage. We are also a little jaded after all this time dealing with hardship but we are also more aware of ourselves and our capabilities and have maintained the will to try. We are not afraid of failure because we know how much sweeter it is when projects finally work out.

I have watched my group-mates grow in such unique and beautiful ways. For one, that might mean coming out of her shell and becoming strong and independent. For another, that might mean overcoming the ebbs and flows of his service to ultimately feel happy and successful. And, for yet another, that might have meant knowing when to say goodbye and head home to pursue the next big thing in their life. We have all had our own battles to fight and hardship to overcome along the way but we have done it as a group. I have loved watching my friends be transformed into these incredibly inspiring people.

And, on top of this evolution of being, we have had a rockin good time together. From quad biking on the sand dunes in Namibia to kayaking with penguins in South Africa to croc hunting in the Delta, it has been one crazy amazing adventure.

It's hard for me to believe that, before we know it, this time together will be complete. All of these realities will become memories and those extra grey hairs in our head a quiet reminder. I am proud of my group and where we have come and grateful to have shared this adventure with them. It's not every day you feel grounded by both your head and your heart but, for me, that's where I'm at. So a deep breath and a smile for the quest. I intend to relish in these last five months with my group and brace myself for what's next. It's going to be a wild ride!

The Words of my Fellow PCVs

Sometimes other PCVs express events and sentiments and experiences in such a way that no other words could describe them as accurately. (And sometimes it's just a perfect anecdotal story to show what life is like here!) I often read other Volunteers' blogs and feel like this. I wanted to share some particularly pertinent blog posts, with the hope that it will paint a more clear picture of what I am feeling and what life is like here in Botswana. Please take some time to read these noteworthy and amazing posts by my friends:

On Culture:

"African Time" 
Cultural Norms and Personal Acceptance
Clothing in Botswana 
Traditional Healers 
Superstitions in Botswana 
Hitchhiking
Charity in Botswana 
Hair 

On Language:

Learning Setswana 

On Food:

What We Eat 
Sugar Cane
Eat With Your Hands 

On Work:

Safe Male Circumcision
HIV/AIDS: Remembering The Individual
HIV Solutions
In The Schools
Children 

On Growth:

Becoming "Able" 
Year One Reflections
Lessons
Integration
United States and Identity
Americans and Donkeys 

On Experiences:

Death  and Funerals 
Botswana Metal Festival
Life Without Running Water
For The Record...

On Emotions:

Falling in Love 
Mind Games
Dealing and Support
How We View Africa

And there are many many others that I think will help shed light onto this experience and give you all a more holistic view of life here. I learn so much from my fellow volunteers. I hope you do too.

Mid-Service Training

Reunited and it feels so good!

How Do You Measure A Year in Peace Corps?

It has been one year since I moved to Africa and started on this Peace Corps journey. Over the last few weeks,  I have tried to talk about the lessons I have learned and the projects I am engaging in. Now I just want to share more about what actually happens in one year... How do you measure a year in your life? This is how I measure mine:

• Minutes experienced: 525,948

• Number of Countries lived in: 2 (United States and Botswana)

• Number of new friends made at Staging ("Bots 10"): 40
• Number of Bots 10s that got on the plane to Botswana: 39
• Number of planes taken to reach Botswana: 3
• Other modes of transportation to reach Botswana: 1 (bus)
• Distance traveled between America and Botswana: 8,498 miles/13,628 km
• Time traveled from America (JFK) to Botswana: 16 hours

• Number of vaccinations received: 11
• Number of times I have been sick: 1 (tummy ailment, lasted 4 days)

• Name of family I did training with: Ramathlaba

• Number of villages lived in: 3 (Kanye, Kumakwane, and Gabane) 

• Number of organizations I have done work for: 6
• Number of orphans and vulnerable children I have worked with: 761
• Number of orphans I have considered adopting: 1 (Bokena)
• Number of HIV+ patients I have worked with directly: 17

• Number of times I have considered ETing ("Early Termination"): 2
• Number of other Bots 10s that have ET'ed: 11
• Number of times I have been grateful I did not ET: 525,801

• Setswana language proficiency level: Intermediate-Mid
• Times I have been surprised I reached Intermediate-Mid: Every single day
• Times I have wondered what happened to my English abilities: 1,482

• Number of bucket baths in less than 3L of water: 98
• Number of baby wipe "baths": 41
• Longest time gone without bathing: 5 days
• Longest time without water/water outage: 8 days
• Longest power outage: 6 days

• Hottest day: 117F/47C
• Coldest night: 33F/0C

• Number of times I have staged a war against ants: 3
• Number of huge spiders that have scared me beyond reproach: 1
• Number of bugs (besides ants) that I have outright killed: 2
• Number of times I have been impressed with myself for living among the spiders in total harmony: 482
• Number of lizards that I have befriended: 2 (Bernard and Curtis)
• Number of snakes seen: 1 (it was dead)

• Number of haircuts: 2 (by other PCVs)

• Number of game drives gone on: 5
• Number of vacations: 2 (Namibia and South Africa)
• Number of mini-holidays: 2 (Sowa Salt Pans and Khama Rhino Sanctuary in Serowe)
• Number of PCVs visited in their villages: 13
• Longest bus ride: 15 hours

• Number of entire television series watched: 7
• Number of movies seen in a theater (in Gaborone): 5
• Number of books read: 42

• Number of relationships I have been in: 1
• Number of weddings missed in America: 26
• Number of weddings attended in Botswana: 3
• Number of friends who have died in America: 4
• Number of funerals attended in Botswana: 3
• Number of births missed in America: 6

• Number of times I ate phane worms: 3 (fried, dried, and boiled)
• Number of new foods tried: countless (Setswana food, wowza)
• Number of Setswana foods I mastered cooking: 4
• Number of foods from America I mastered making from scratch: 11 (things like spinach-artichoke dip, pita bread, pizza, and so on...)

• Number of American visitors: 1 (Markus Thomi)

• Number of people who have sent me care packages: 13
• Number of care packages received: 19
• Person who has sent me the most packages: Mama Tina
• Number of people who have sent me handwritten letters: 11
• Number of letters received: 28
• Most obscure place something has come from: Ethiopia (Kati Wilkins)
• Number of Skype dates: 11

• Times my blog has been viewed: 18,752
• Number of countries that have viewed my blog: 66 (in order: United States, Japan, United Kingdom, Australia, Sweden, Costa Rica, Germany, Denmark, India, South Korea, Canada, Argentina, Mexico, Russia, Malaysia, Iceland, Liberia, United Arab Emirates, Egypt, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Greece, Switzerland, Austria, Slovenia, Botswana, Singapore, Bulgaria, Spain, Pakistan, Senegal, Ecuador, Morocco, Guatemala, Norway, China, Israel, Indonesia, Italy, Lesotho, Uganda, Philippines, Iran, Latvia, Estonia, Mali, Saudia Arabia, Tanzania, Taiwan, Chile, Hungary, New Zealand, Serbia, Colombia, Thailand, Puerto Rico, Brazil, Zambia, Jamaica, Czech Republic, Finland, France, Lithuania, Gabon, Namibia, Belgium, and Albania) 

• Number of Bots 10 remaining at the end of year one: 28 (11 ETs and 1 Administrative Separation)

• Most important trait I have acquired: Patience
• Least important trait needed in Botswana: Logic (it just doesn't exist so no need for it)
• Trait I value most: Passion (And motivation to see passions through)
• Thing that constantly surprises me: Everything really does come together in the end
• Best advice received: "Just keep swimming" (thanks Dory)

• Thing I have been most grateful for: Constant support and love by my family and friends (both here and at home). You are what has gotten me to this point.
• New family members made: Bots 10 and my dear friends in Botswana, both host country nationals and ex-pats alike... you are all how I truly measure my life here. And, for that, I could never thank you enough. What a great year it has been.

"it's time now, to sing out

though the story never ends

let's celebrate

remember a year in the life of friends" 

♥ peace corps year one: success ♥

Cape Town, South Africa Trip

I intended to write this post immediately upon my return to Botswana, however that plan was quickly tarnished with all the hoopla of my site relocation. Sigh. But even all that chaos cannot put a damper on the amazingness that was my vacation to Cape Town!

This year, I rung in the New Year with a week-long trip to Cape Town, alongside 14 of my Peace Corps friends! I had expected to be somewhat overwhelmed in coming to Cape Town, having been away from that sort of life since moving to a rural village nine months prior. While I was awe-struck in seeing multi-story buildings, street signs, and abundance, I was surprised as to how fast I adjusted back into life in the fast lane. It was welcomed and exciting. I think we all felt this way about this respite. It was a week full of gluttony, as we ate delicious meal after delicious meal (everything from McDonalds breakfast to sushi to Mexican feasts); vanity in long days of shopping, manis and pedis, and Thai massages; relaxation on the coastal beaches; and an over-indulgence in wine, nightlife, and adventure! What follows is a picture tour of the highlights from the trip:

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the end, the trip was exactly what we all needed. We were able to get a glimpse back into the lives we left and feel connected to who we were before coming here. And then, in the end, we were able to come back rejuvenated and with a renewed sense of what we are doing here and who we have become.