Monday, February 14, 2011

Because of Love

To me, Valentine’s Day is about sharing love. It is about sending love out into the universe and getting some back. It is about giving. I have been given so much and have been saved by love.

One day, when I was having a particularly hard time in high school, my dad got me a card. The cover read "If you can't make waves, make ripples" and on the inside it said "Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself all the room and space you need. And remember, wherever you are is probably exactly where you need to be right now." Below that, my dad told me that he believed in me and loved me and knew I would accomplish everything I wanted in time. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I have kept that card with me for more than a decade. I have read those words and recited those words over and over again throughout the years.

When my dad died five years ago, my whole world was rocked. Essentially, my universe fell off its axis and I didn't know what to do. Whether it makes sense or not, I felt like my dreams did not have meaning anymore. It was hard to find comfort in anything. I needed to do something to get my life back.

I went back to my roots and started training horses again, I started running and ran four half marathons, I got my masters degree, and then I moved home. I surrounded myself with positive people who loved me and believed in me. I reconnected with my mom and she became one of my very best friends. My neighbors and my friends became family. I became stronger than I could have imagined. I got my dreams back and now I have the courage to pursue them, knowing that I could get through anything and that I have the love and support I need to see it through.

My dad's card is even more pertinent today than when he gave it to me. I have slowly persevered and have gotten to where I need to be. I am finally pursuing this dream that I have had for the past six years. I have meditated on this and have been patient, waiting to feel this sense of calm. I am full of pride and joy and am overcome with a sense of rightness in my world again. I am not nervous or anxious and I don't doubt anything about this path I am taking. I am really at ease with this transition because I feel with my whole heart that this journey, joining the Peace Corps and going to Botswana, is exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now.