A Botswana Birthday Party

In Botswana, birthdays are not a big deal. They come and go without much commotion, if they're even remembered at all. This is surprising because Botswana is all about community and family means a lot. This is also surprising to me because birthdays are so so so much fun! If you have spent much time around me then you realize that I could not sit idly by not celebrating birthdays as they come along... This was the case with my 20-year-old host brother's birthday.

When my host brother, Kesaobaka, told me that in his nearly two decades of life that he had never had a birthday party, I decided to throw him a celebration to remember! And celebrate we did!

Yesterday I hosted Kesaobaka's birthday party. I had invited a number of the other trainees to come over that he had become close with and I told him to invite some of his friends to join us. He didn't know what to expect and so his excitement was penetrable. For weeks, he kept coming over to me with big smiles and he looked like he was going to jump out of his skin with anticipation! I seriously wondered if he was going to make it until the party!

In preparation for the event, I had asked my mom to send birthday balloons (which came in my care package) and I made a big birthday sign with candles, balloons, and confetti to hang in the house. I also prepared a menu for the party and made a few trips back and forth to the local grocery store, Choppies. (Creating a menu is extra challenging in Botswana because a lot of the things we are used to finding at the store are not available here. It was an exciting challenge though and we had a lot of fun learning how to make everything from scratch!)

The party began with a few of my fellow trainees coming over to help me cook. We made veggie pizzas, quesadillas, guacamole, tortilla chips, sandwiches, fruit salad, American-style magwinya, and cake! Of course, we taste-tested during the cooking process and knew that we were on the right track! Delish! Cheese is a rarity in Botswana (despite all the cows here) so this was a special treat for all of us.

Once everything was ready, Kesaobaka, his friends, the rest of my host family, some relatives and their children, a bunch of visitors, and seven trainees joined us in the main house. After singing the "Happy Birthday" song, Kesaobaka made a speech where he thanked me for having a party in his honor and said he was eternally grateful for everyone showing up for him. It was soooo sweet. And then we all chowed down! (Note: my host mom is obsessed with guacamole now and wants me to teach her how to make it. You're welcome to the Bots 12 group or whomever gets my family as a host in the future!) Music blared and, under the commandment of my host mother ("Are you full? If you're full then you must dance!") started bustin' a move around the house! At the same time, the kids all started playing don't-let-the-balloon-hit-the-ground in the adjoining room! Laughter filled the entire house! My host brother was constantly thanking me and saying how he was so happy because he had never had a celebration dedicated to him before. It was amazing! I then gave my host brother a friendship bracelet that I made him as a birthday present that was half American flag colors and the other half the Botswana flag. He put it on immediately and gave me a big hug! More amazingness!

But nothing could have prepared me for later in the night... After all was settled down and I had finished cleaning up, my family gathered around the television to watch My Star (Botswana's version of American Idol). At a lull in the show, my host mom came over to me and said that she wanted to thank me for the day. She said that I had taught her a lot that day, mostly that it is possible to make a day special and memorable for someone even if you don't have a lot of money. She said that she never knew the importance of a day like this for someone before and that I shared that with her. She thanked me again and smiled at me a great big smile. I teared up. Wow. I was taken aback by it and truly awed. Compliments are not common in Botswana and I felt like this was the epitome. Here I was just wanting to do something nice for someone and have a little shindig and it turned into something so much more meaningful and powerful than that. It was truly a special day for all of us and I am so happy that I could have that experience.

Taking it a step further: Multi-Cultural Exchange

I decided about a week ago that if I have to learn a new language so does my host family. So I have started teaching my host siblings Spanish. Yup, that's right, my host family says everything in three languages now - Setswana, English, and Spanish! It's been a lot of fun and we laugh really really hard at ourselves all the time. And then, in a few weeks, I am going to take this multi-cultural exchange a step further and make them some Mexican food and have a fiesta! Ole!

Conversations with my host brother - cultural exchange and so much more

Like I have mentioned before, my family doesn't have television or radio, which seems to be a rarity for the Bots 10 homestays. Some days I wish I could sit down and watch "Generations" (a South African soap opera) or "My Star" (Botswana's version of American Idol) and just zone out and escape for a while. But then I remember why I'm here and why we do homestays for PST - to learn about Botswana, its culture and its people, before we head out to our permanent sites. In thinking about this, I feel fortunate not to have these things because it means that I have no distractions and can just sit and talk with my host family.

My host family and I have gotten very close in the past few weeks. We talk about a lot, from the cultural differences (and similarities) between America and Botswana to what our interests are. We are constantly learning things and my family has been amazing at teaching me about the culture and traditions of Botswana, so much so that I usually already have talked to my family about topics discussed in our cross-culture sessions beforehand. This dialogue has happened most often with one of my host brothers.

This host brother and I have gotten really close because we spend so much time together. He hangs out with me and my fellow trainees on weekends and we often make dinner together during the week. Because of this, we have had the opportunity to talk about a lot of things, including a lot of things that seem to be somewhat unusual topics in Botswana.

One such conversation centered around relationships - what it's like to come of age in a very traditional Botswana, what dating is like, broken hearts, and the ominous HIV/AIDS discussion. By the end of our multi-hour conversation, we had both learned a lot about the other person's perspective. We were open, honest, and surprisingly comfortable having this discussion. What really struck me by the whole conversation, though, was that my host brother thanked me at the end of it. He clarified his "thanks" by letting me know that he has wanted to talk to someone about all these things for a very long time but that he never felt he could because societal and cultural norms say it's "taboo" to openly discuss such things. He said he was relieved to have someone in his life that he could talk to and trust and who could understand what he was talking about without having to say everything or feel awkward.

This conversation is why I came to Africa. I came to create relationships with people and have conversations like this one. I want to show people that there are other ways of doing things and that it is okay to talk to people about things like this. It is normal and acceptable and not something to be feared. It is important to face these conversations and issues in order to create change, especially when dealing with HIV/AIDS. Maybe this one conversation can change a statistic or save a life. Maybe it just changes a perspective or spurs another conversation and causes a ripple effect. I know it inspired me to remain open, honest, and willing to keep sharing.

Insight from my youngest host brother

One of the first things that trainees were taught in coming  to Botswana is that everyone greets people. Literally everyone exchanges hellos and smiles when passing. I think it's great because you are interacting with people, getting to know your neighbors, and becoming part of the community. Part of what makes this so great for all of us during PST is that we get to practice our Setswana. Common greetings is to say "Dumela Rra/Mma" and then ask how they are doing ("O tsogile jang? or "O kae?" or some variation). When we say these things, the Batswana laugh and laugh and smile and laugh! Normally this would seem to be a deterrent and we wouldn't want to keep trying for fear of saying things incorrectly or being embarrassed. I told this to my youngest host brother the other night and he laughed and laughed and smiled and laughed at me... again. And then he gave me this insight: "You can't laugh if you're not happy!" Basically, he said, the Batswana are just so happy that we're trying and that we're learning. Sooooo ke leka Setswana!

A Quick Rundown on Homestay in Kanye

If I were to write a blog post about staging and orientation, it would go something like this: “I woke up early on March 31st to go to Philly, was given a lot of information, got some shots, and met my group of fellow trainees. We didn’t sleep much during the two days of staging and we slept even less during the nearly 30 hours it took us to get to Botswana, and possibly even less during orientation in Gaborone. It was an exciting time for each of us and I can hardly describe the emotions of it all. We all cheered nervously when we landed in Africa and immediately leaned on each other for support. (And, yes, everyone’s baggage was delayed for a few days!)” Because that is somewhat dry, a bit vague, and (frankly) not as interesting as the life I’m leading right now during pre-service training (PST), I have decided to forego talking about those things and get down to the nitty gritty about my life in Kanye, Botswana.

Our classes consist primarily of Setswana language training, cultural awareness programs, safety and security sessions, and HIV/AIDS education. I’m learning a lot! But, honestly, the real training and adjustment is coming outside of the classroom and in the reality of living in Botswana. This is most prominent in my homestay.

What is homestay? Well, homestay is the period of time during PST where you live with a local family and become completely immersed in the language, culture, and life of a Motswana. For many of us, it is a fairly trying time because we are still getting our bearings and figuring out our place here, which complicates things. It's different than traveling or studying abroad or any other experience I have had because we are living here. The biggest, and probably the most immediately trying, difference is in the actual physical structures of our homes.

My home is located in the Mafikana ward of Kanye (wards are kind of like districts or areas within the village - in Kanye there are four). It is nice but very modest. I live in the main house on a compound with three houses. The two other houses are occupied by renters, one is a student in Kanye and the other is a man from Zimbabwe. The houses are made of concrete and, at least in my case, does not have individual ceilings on the rooms (which is fine but it also means that when someone in the house wakes up then everyone in the house is waking up because sounds and light take over the whole house). We also have an outdoor pit latrine, which is reminiscent of an outhouse that goes into a hole in the ground. Our pit latrine is very clean and I haven't minded it much. We have electricity but we do not have running water in our house. Instead, we have a water pump in the back of the property where we get water (unless the water turns off, which seems to happen during storms, as does the electricity). To warm the water, we make an outdoor fire, kind of like a camp fire, and boil the water over that. (If someone wants to send me smores stuff then I would love it because my family has never heard of such a thing and we're basically sitting around a camp fire every night!) We use this water for washing clothes by hand, for cooking, and to bathe. Since we don't have running water, we take bucket baths (which they call "bathing", like "bath"-"ing"). The Batswana bath twice a day, which I initially thought was odd (and something I would never do because I don't bath that often at home) but now I understand because it's hard to get clean bathing like that and you may as well bath again if you're fetching water to brush your teeth and wash your face anyway. Like I said, it's very modest living. We do not have television or radio in my home but I have heard from fellow trainees that those who have them always have them turned on and very very very loud! Although sometimes it would be nice to have a break and just veg out in front of the television, I am very grateful not to have it be a constant thing in my life and to have time to sit and talk with my family. (I'm learning so much from conversations with my host family so I consider myself lucky. More on this later.)

My homestay family consists of a mom, a dad, and four siblings (three brothers and one sister). My brothers are 24, 20, and 15 and my host sister is 11. My host dad works in the kgotla, where our ward's chief is. My eldest host brother lives in a nearby city where he's going to university for accounting. I have gotten very close with my 20-year-old host brother and have a blast with my other siblings. I am really lucky to have such a wonderful family. Of course it is hard learning to live with a new family, with its own ways of doing things (especially since these ways are completely different culturally), but we get along really well and are getting a lot from one another. (Including dance parties!)

Animals are EVERYWHERE and they are not penned up or confined. Literally it's donkeys and cows and chickens and goats and baboons and monkeys roaming all over the place. They say that donkeys crossing the road are one of the main causes of accidents in Botswana and I really wouldn't doubt it. Like I said, they just go where they want. I kind of like it to be honest. It's different and took some getting used to because, hey, it's weird to have to wait for donkeys to cross the street but I think it's really great. The dogs just bark and the roosters wake you up at 4:30 every morning. Kind of primitive, but mostly just amazing to see the freedom of it all.

I am constantly amazed by how much I am learning and seeing. My homestay, although it is not without challenges, is really wonderful. The people and the country of Botswana is beyond beautiful. I am so so happy to be here and, at the end of the day, feel very blessed.