Last night I had my first mini freak out.
I was having a hard time falling asleep (this is very unusual for me, generally I look at a pillow and pass out) so I went to grab an excruciatingly boring book from my dresser in the hopes that it would calm my mind. All of the sudden it dawned on me that I am leaving in four days and I will be gone for 27 months and this might be the last time I do this. The magnitude of that sort of hit me and my heart started to race and my mind went crazy thinking of all the things around my room that I won't be seeing for a long long time and the things I would be missing out on.... Eeeeeeek! And then I took a deep breath and came back to reality. The mini freak out lasted about three and a half minutes.
The truth is, I am not scared to go and I don't have any fear or doubt about it. In fact, I haven't been this excited or felt this ready for anything in a long time. I have been through a lot in the past few years and all of those things led me to this. I have gotten stronger and learned that life is precious and I need to go out and live it while it's here. I honestly feel like my life is exactly where it should be and I'm ready to seize it. Yes, there are scary and intimidating things about leaving the comfort of my current life and moving to Africa but I feel like "the juice is worth the squeeze." This IS really happening! The tummy twinge is normal because it's a big change. I believe whole-heartedly that it is worth it! (And no amount of butterflies could change my mind!)
Now onto my second mini freak out..... reorganize my luggage (per the most recent Peace Corps email) and fill out the rest of my paperwork!